I'll give you the caveat up front that I know for a fact I'm rapidly hitting the age where I'm too old to relate to the kids these days. I've seen this coming for years, I'm not even going to bother to try and fight it. But I still get it, you guys. For now, at least.
This revelation is a function of age and experience, so I appreciate that it's a bit lost on the younger ones here, but talking about your individuality is almost always a sure sign that you aren't exhibiting any.
Seriously.
It's like the universal red flag that the speaker is stumbling along and trying to find their way and doesn't really know who they are yet. So they dress like this or that and do stupid shit to their hair and put on rings and bracelets in droves and worry about things like what band is doing what tour and why doesn't that one store in the mall ever have my size and I hope I everyone notices that I don't look like them but really I'm doing it for myself, not them, but I hope they notice that as well.
The point in your life where you are truly living as an individual is, 99% of the time, marked by the fact that you no longer think or worry about being an individual. It ceases to become a concern. You simply are, and that's that, and it doesn't matter who knows or sees or notices.
I had a red mohawk. I had a blonde mohawk. I put all kinds of shit in my hair to make it do funny and interesting things. I wore wallet chains that were so long I tripped over them. I bought boots with hot rod flames on them, and glasses to match, and I wore all kinds of ridiculous crap and swore vehemently that I was only doing it for myself. While, of course, taking great pains to make sure I looked interesting and different. I did all that. And one day I got dressed and walked outside and someone complimented me on my outfit and I actually had to look down to see what I was wearing. And it was nothing special. I was wearing jeans that fit me well, and a plain white t-shirt that fit me well. And a sweater that fit me well. That's it. Nothing fancy, nothing noteworthy. Just clothes that suited me and fit well and holy crap, I realized, I've finally gotten comfortable in my own skin.
And I quit worrying about swimming against the stream. Not because I wanted to go along with it, but because I realized that I was finally just living my life to my own expectations, and wasn't really concerned with how that fit in to the rest of the world. If I was going along, fine. If I was going against, also fine. It was irrelevant. I was finally just being myself for no other reason than it felt right and comfortable to do so.
So Daniel, here's the thing. I know a lot of people think you're an ass. I know some people might even actively hate you. I'm sure plenty of others adore you, and I'm equally sure that gobs of people simply don't regard you at all. But the more you worry about being an individual, the more you talk about the value of individuality, the harder you try to be someone who "is an individual", the more ridiculous you look and sound. You're defeating yourself.
Relax. Quit saying things like "It may be a assholeish thing to say, but I feel I am not getting anywhere in the yoyoworld. Perhaps I am crazy.." because yes, it is "assholeish" (sic) but mostly it's just unimportant. You've got bigger fish to fry. You've got your own identity to find and nurture and learn to love.
Maybe your identity really is dressing like a Hot Topic blew up in your face. I doubt it. You seem a bit too thoughtful for that kind of empty, useless trend-chasing. Plus, you aren't a size X-Small, so all that stuff looks like shit on your frame. It was all built for waifish junior high kids and that, sir, you are not.
I don't know who you are. I have never really paid much attention to you. The signal-to-noise ratio of your "check out how different I am" clothing and tirades pretty much blends you in to the background of my world. I hear people say good things about the way you play with yo-yos, and that you're a nice guy who helps people out, but every time I tune in you're trying too hard and I just tune right back out.
If you really want a career in yo-yos, if you really want to be an individual, if you really want to be the kind of person that other people follow, you have to get comfortable in your own skin. You need to become who you are.
And you need to quit worrying about it. You seem like an alright kid. Just put your head down, ditch all the accoutrements, and be the person you are.
Once you can do that, you'll like yourself a lot more. Other people will too. And you'll save a shitload of money on eyeliner, arm warmers, and fishnets.
Trust me on that. And just so you'll believe me, here's a picture of me at the ripe old age of 19. Wearing Cleopatra-style eyeliner, lipstick, a thin leather choker, large silver earrings, and (although you can't see it in the picture) skintight black velvet pants with combat boots.
Yeah. I looked like an idiot. But that's what being young is for, right?
Be yourself, Daniel. You manage that, and the rest will fall into place.
